Morning Wood 4. Working the cucumber…

**** Adult content. Explicit material. ****

Hi Bloggers.

So since I am in a different um, relationship status these days (not really single, not really polyamorous, not really married, not really anything…), I have had the opportunity to find myself again.

So a little bit of history/male sexuality if you like. I’m early forties. That’s a golden age for a man, in my opinion. Let me explain why: it’s because I have better control. I can keep it up for an extended period during sexual intercourse. Actually, as much as I don’t like to admit it, sometimes I can even lose the wood during sex. Normally I just need to chill for a bit, and I can get back to it to finish the job. Normally that ends in a sweaty hot mess for me, and the lady is generally well taken care of. In fact, some mornings, I don’t come at all, and can provide extended pleasure without that reflex reaction that causes a man to come.

But its kind of weird. It’s inconsistent. How is it that I can fuck for 45 mins to an hour straight in an early morning romp, penetrating a woman in various ways, without coming, yet I can sometimes stroke myself off and get it done within a few minutes?

If I look back to when I was a lad, I would masturbate daily. Sometimes could be more than once a day. This was consistently the pattern through my teens, and into my twenties. Being married meant that I could indulge in sex on a more regular basis, but I would always supplement with masturbation perhaps a few times a week. I felt that it was different – like a nice alternative to sex. A more personal experience, with myself, if you will.

As for sex when I was younger, it was hard not to come. Many times there was a disappointed wife when I got done in maybe a few minutes. Not always the case, but often enough. For the ladies reading this, the reflex is like sneezing. You can try not to sneeze, but at some point it becomes involuntary. If you are going to come, you are going to come. As a young man, there is no chasing it, trying to focus, forcing it or wishing you could. Its going to happen. As you get older, the reflex sensation becomes less intense, perhaps more controllable, and sometimes even elusive.

So when you are having a lot of sex, its no surprise that you get drained. You don’t have the juice to masturbate much, because you’re getting tapped. It’s a good place to be of course. But that’s not where I am today, and I’m ok with it.

So for the last couple of days, I feel like I’ve had the mojo returning to me. It happens when you are relaxed/content/confident and all of that. Some mornings are just harder, fuller. I woke with a really full cock. I rolled around in bed for a bit. I sleep alone downstairs. I pressed my hard cock into the mattress and could feel a kind of pushing back on my cock from the bed. It felt really good.

I rolled onto my back and placed my thumb and fingers onto the head of my penis. Due to the hardness it felt full and large. I could feel the ridge of the glans standing proudly over the shaft. I took a moment to feel that sensation. The feel of my glans against my fingers and thumb, and the stimulation of my hand on my cock. I worked it up and down gently, gripping the skin on the shaft and sliding that over the head and back down. Its an amazing organ, the cock. A kind of self lubricating system that has skin that can roll over the head. Some drops of pre-come had leaked from the eye.

Pretty soon I was working it a little faster. My mind visiting my favoured erotic thoughts. I have lots of go-to fantasies, but I’m not ready to share the details of those. Soon I could feel a kind of wonderful pressure building. I let out a light moan and using a cloth that I held above my cock I let out an almighty gush of semen in a rhythmic pulse, and again and again. When you come a lot, the pleasure is more intense. It was wonderful, satisfying and relieving all at once.

 

Image result for cucumber
Source: WikiHow. Disclaimer, this is not my cucumber, or my hand, it is merely a reference to get your dirty minds to imagine my cucumber, in my hand… 

 

Image result for cream
Cream. For representational effect only. I think you get it. 😉 

 

 

Dancing in the Dark…

Hi Bloggers, I went to the dragon boat races today in Saskatoon. I was in a team from my work and we competed against a bunch of other teams in three different heats. It was fun and a nice warm day and a good way to mix with work colleagues and others.

As I was leaving, an iconic song came over the loudspeakers. It was Bruce Springsteen’s Dancing in the Dark. It’s got such an infectious groove. I was a kid of about 10 when it came out in 1984. I remember it well. I remember hearing it on the TV or the radio. That, along with Born in the USA, and some other stuff that was getting around at that time.

Hearing it reminded me of what are really well crafted pop/rock song that it is. I watched the video too (link below). The first thing you notice is how fresh faced our Bruce looks. He was 34 years old when he recorded this. On the video you could be forgiven for thinking he was maybe 25.

He’s got that swagger, that cheeky arrogance. A handsome face and suggestive smile and a pair of snug jeans. Women no doubt were just taken by the whole thing, and why not? But that’s not all, he was kind of approachable. He had the whole blue collar down-and-out working dog kind of image that people across the US and the world could relate to, because, well, maybe he’s just like most of us….

Reading up on the net, I learned that the film clip was recorded over two nights at St Paul, Minnesota. The girl that he pulls up on stage, that’s Courtney Cox, as in Courtney Cox who later went on to star in the 90’s sitcom Friends. I had no idea!

I like how the song has a kind of double entandra with the one side of the coin being about a guy who’s kinda lonely, and just wants to have some company, while the other side of the coin hints at a lusty young man with a gun for hire…. And the dancing in the dark, is that like, actually dancing, or is this some loaded suggestion about what happens when the lights go off after bedtime????

The synth riff, and the dreamy sax solo at the end really top it off!

Anyway, enough of my bullshit, let’s allow Bruce to lay it down

Video sourced from YouTube.

A blog about the T-bird.

Hi Bloggers,

The T-bird, as I like to call her, is my wife, or ex-wife, or live in mother to my kids, or house-mate, or friend. The fact is, I don’t really know what we are any more. I know we are done being a married couple, and I’m ok with that.

I met her back in 1993. We were at a rodeo in North West Queensland, Australia. I travelled there with some friends, she travelled there with her friends, then, boom, we met. Since then, aside from the past 5 years or so, we’ve been contentedly joined at the hip.

When we met she was pretty, sweet, and sexy. Her blue eyes, pretty face, and lightly tanned complexion were the things that had many guys checking her out. She had a heart of gold, one friend of hers told me, and she was right. She had a wonderful personality. A kind of innocence, we both did, I guess, I was 19 at the time when we met.

For many years, we lived a very happy life together. Finishing apprenticeships, moving to the coast of North Queensland for a life of barrier reef island work and beaches and tropical rain and our horses. We’ve moved a bunch. To go to university, and to support my career moves and need to support a young family.

We travelled a lot, went camping, overseas trip, bought houses, made friends, lived in different towns and cities. It was a good life, all around. Kids came along, and we settled in to the things that young parents do. Cleaning up puke and shitty nappies, and sleepless nights, and also all the wonderful things that come with having kids.

At some point, I realised that things had changed. We were living on the other side of the world. The light that shone within her as a younger woman had faded. I can’t really put my finger on it. I was working long hours on the mine site. She appeared somewhat withdrawn and often cranky. I drifted off, in my own way. The contrast was that I felt like I was coming into my own – physically, career, emotionally, I had become a man in my prime, and I felt like she was in a different head space.

I realised – all the fun in our life seemed to be gone.

I checked out of the marriage. I acted like a rebellious teen. I did things married guys aren’t supposed to do. I was kind of off the rails, in terms of our marriage.

So some time has gone by. My outlook on being married has never really been the same. I still love my wife/ex-wife/housemate/friend, I still care about her. I want her to be happy. I really do. I want her to be safe, and to take care of herself and our kids. She’s been a wonderful companion and partner for many years. I am grateful for her support and friendship. I hope we can continue to be civil and respectful to each other, even though the circumstances are a bit strained.

 

SAM_0876
The T bird. A great friend, mother, and marriage partner. Best wishes, hon. 

 

 

Thankful, and exercising Grace … Never had so much fun!

Grace, I copied the Google definition below.

SAM_3852

Here’s the google definition:

grace
ɡrās/
noun

1.
simple elegance or refinement of movement.
“she moved through the water with effortless grace”
synonyms:
elegance, poise, gracefulness, finesse; More
suppleness, agility, nimbleness, light-footedness

Ok, what’s the point? Well, um, I had to exercise some grace today. I had my work performance review. I got some feedback. Some balanced feedback to be fair. Some good, and some very challenging to accept. But it was not new, my boss is decent and he believes in no surprises when it comes to performance reviews, so I was prepared.

The reflection I had been doing on my own interactions in the world and at work, and my meditations, and recent developments all put me a good place to accept what was discussed, and I hope I did this with grace. When you get some critical feedback, going to defensive mode or lashing out isn’t really the preferred option…..

So I also had a chat with J. She has been many things to me in the past three years (mother, lover, friend, partner in crime). I love her. Things have to change, its all tied together in a work/life/family/situation matrix. I don’t think I can be what she wants me to be at this time and it would be unfair to allow her to believe that my head and heart are in the same place that they once were.

When we are faced with a need for change, and our hearts and minds are not ready to let go, the situation can become tense and even hostile. During our chat tonight, I probably got a little defensive and frustrated. I was busy protecting my ego. She may have expressed some anger and frustration too.

But what we resolved is that we want to remain friends, who support each other. We still have a value to bring to each other, and I think that’s the essence of a good relationship. The distance, the baggage, the complications, the schedules, the emotional upsets, its all too much for the current environment (or headspace?) I’m in, or creating, to be the right fit for us both now, but fuck! we had some fun! Like, really!

SAM_3857
For my friend J, with loving-kindness. 

 

Here’s where I give her credit. She handled it with grace. She referenced god as a being for her, that is both challenging her and supporting her – she is leaning on her spirituality and I think that is a beautiful thing. She’s a kind heart, a wonderful soul, a dedicated mother, and I love her for all that she is.

But my life is changing, and I don’t want to disappoint her, or anyone else really, so I need to give myself and her, some time and space.

J, if you are reading this, you’re a game changer, hon. Thank you, for everything….

 

Today’s Workout, and some words of compassion…

8 jul 2017 2

Hi Bloggers,

Today’s workout:

Squats

Calf raises

Alternating dumbbell curls

ezy bar bicep curls

Cross over (Zane) curls.

I had a really good work out.

Be kind, be kind to yourself, be kind to others. Do one act of kindness. Let someone know how much you mean to them, even if the situation has been challenging. 

Be yourself, don’t compromise who you are, and allow others to adjust to the person that you are becoming, if you are going through changes. 

Love and hugs. Namaste.

8 jul 2017

Today’s workout, and other wisdom shared… Don’t Sweat the Small Stuff!

 Bloggers, here is the work out I did today. I really enjoyed it but I felt a tweak in my right knee when bending and flexing, so I’ll be paying attention to that so it doesn’t become a long term injury, fingers crossed!

July 6

Combo lat raises with overhead press dumbbell
Wide grip chin up
Cable cross over chest pulls
Bent over rows
Push ups with feet on bench

Ok, now for the wisdom part…

I got a book from the library called ‘Don’t Sweat the Small Stuff.’ I highly recommend it. One chapter in the book described a really good concept.

Imagine that everyone else in your life is perfectly enlightened, and you, are not enlightened at all…..

Take a moment to let that sink in. You know what it does? It helps you to listen, to ask questions, and to refrain from jumping in and telling other people how it is, which is what we spend a lot of time doing. The net effect is that all of your interactions are less adversarial, and you will see the tension disappear from your conversations and conflicts. Plus, its humbling as anything, you just have to take a back seat, and sometimes that is refreshing.

Having said that, it doesn’t mean that you relinquish power, or compromise your values, you just spend more time trying to understand, rather than being understood.

Try it out – today!!!!!

Peace, and Namaste.

 

Today’s workout – and random ramblings….

So I got home from work today, kinda feeling a bit tired I had a long nap. I was only so-so about going for a workout. I got it done though, and surprisingly enough, it was a decent workout too. I seemed to get through my sets with ease. Some days are strong healthy days and some days we struggle. This was a strong day! 8 June 2017 3 (2)

Last night I had dinner with some work colleagues – the team. It was a nice restaurant. Maybe even a bit too nice for the crowd that I was with – they are good people alright, but I think maybe we were a bit out of place – laughing and joking and probably saying stuff that raised some eyebrows in the place.

There’s a guy I work with – complete prairie redneck. Now, I have to add, I have nothing against prairie rednecks, I’d even say I’m kind of fond of them, but I can assure you they don’t hold back when it comes to having a laugh and they don’t waste effort on social graces and political correctness.

He had me laughing so hard that I had to leave the table. It was ridiculous and I felt like a bit of a goose – snickering my way to the entrance to compose myself a bit. I actually laughed to the point of tears. Man, that was refreshing. I haven’t laughed like that in a very long time.

Lately, I feel like I’v8 June 2017 (2)e been doing better. Some blockages have been cleared. I have had time to reflect and adjust to a changing life situation. I feel pretty good. It’s apparent that I am obviously the major influence in my life, and my thoughts and actions have the biggest bearing on success or failure in all of my endeavours. Having said that, I can’t think or act for others, and how people perceive me, or react to me, or act in relation to what I say and do.

So I’m saying – ok. That’s ok. I’ll be alright. We can work together on issues or just avoid each other, it makes no difference to me.

Maybe that’s not entirely true, because I don’t live in a bubble and I do care about the quality of my inter-human relationships, very much actually. I guess I’m saying that I am finding my own direction, and people will either be content to be part of that or they won’t.

So we get one chance in this life. Actually lots of chances in life, but what matters is what we do with that. What I mean is that we only have a certain time on this planet, and so much energy, time, and perhaps entire lives are wasted on negative bullshit. I decided, I don’t want a part of that. Some people have real problems, health, family, employment, substance abuse, etc. I do feel for them. Really. I’m grateful that I have a lot of good in my life, and I’m busy making the most of my opportunities to be the best ‘me’ that I can.

You’re all welcome to join me if you wish.

Namaste 

8 June 2017 2 (2)

 

Forgiveness – Letting go of blame. A contribution to forgivingjournal….

Hi bloggers, through the magic of WordPress, you get to interact with other wonderful people out there. I stumbled across a really nice blog site called forgivingjournal, and was invited (or is that I insisted?) on writing a piece in contribution. In any case, here is the link to Debbie’s blogsite: forgivingjournal.

Ok, so, forgiveness, forgiving. That’s pretty much the theme of this wonderful blog site. It’s potentially a loaded gun, forgiveness, to blog about I mean. It’s because how do you like, explain how you are forgiving someone for something, without implicating them of some sort of wrong doing? I’m not judging in any way, we are all on our own journey, and I feel that there are things that I am ok with blogging about, and things that I feel I need to protect others’ privacy on.

For instance, I can’t say, I forgive my wife for being angry at me for doing something I did, and she feels entirely justified in her anger, because I did something to or against her. She’ll read this, and I’ll be in the shit, so I’m not going to do this.

Similar for my family, or others close to me. I don’t want to air my dirty laundry (any more than I already do on WP), its just too loaded. It’s too raw, too emotional.

Here’s what I can say:

I forgive myself, for being human, for doing stupid regrettable things, for embarrassing myself (actually still doing things that yield this result, I call that life). Forgiving oneself, and accepting ourselves as we are is extremely powerful and liberating.

I forgive others, who at times I have been angry and resentful towards. Often times, I have realised that this anger and resentment is really just a reflection or projection of my own insecurities and things that I have not resolved within myself. There are some good Buddhist type quotes along the lines of if you hold on to your anger, you will be the one that suffers. It affects you more than anyone else. Holding on to anger is like holding a hot coal, it is you who gets burned.

Meditation helps. If I am carrying some negative energy about a situation or a person, often if I meditate on that, I can allow those feelings of anger or resentment to resolve, to be put into perspective.

That, to me, is forgiveness.

100 followers on WP. Sincere thanks.

Its 5.15am in the morning. I need to be getting ready for work. This weekend I reached that milestone of 100 followers.

When I look back on my blog shares, its been quite the journey. Certainly a time of much change and upheaval and as always, personal growth for me. I’ve had fun, damn it!

Thank you, sincerely. In WP I have found a space to be myself. To be me! Whatever that is, I kind of get to make that what it is as I go along. It’s like tending a garden or learning a new instrument or whatever analogy you like.

Des Moines 20
Is this thing loaded???

Here, I can be myself. I can express, whether that’s fitness, sexuality, photography, relationships, sketching, travel experiences, etc.

I am grateful and thankful that 104 other souls have decided to join me on my journey.

So, some feedback please, anything that I should do more of? Anything I should do less of?

Have a great day, peace to all and hugs!

Learning to Skateboard…. and other lessons in life.

So our daughter is learning to ride a skateboard. I bought a long-board type skateboard a few years ago on a family vacation in Kelowna, BC. To be honest, it hasn’t been ridden too much, with all the grown up bullshit like jobs, bills, raising kids, arguments, work, travel, and the kitchen sink (literally).

SAM_2878

I was kind of impressed when the daughter asked for me to take her to the skate park earlier this week. I thought ‘this is great, a chance to connect with her on something that I am really excited about!’   My faith in the father-daughter relationship, with all the challenges of her age, and mine was restored.

I used to ride a skateboard a lot as a teenager. It was the late 1980’s and there was a skateboard boom. If you weren’t around for it, let me tell you, skateboarding, and Guns and Roses was pretty much my staple go-to’s for attitude and rebellion. Isn’t it funny how much life changes as we grow older and gain more responsibility and expectations on us increase? Skating in the mall parking lot, being chased by security guards, setting up a slide rail outside the bank, or exploring some drains was all part of my mis-spent youth.

Today, as we took the dogs for a walk and the daughter rode the skateboard, I watched her slip off the skateboard, and do an awkward splits such that her ankle was bent and some skin was scraped off her knee. We told her to get up, that’s all part of the learning-to-ride process. So, with all my apparent wisdom, it got me thinking. What life lessons does a young person get from skateboarding? Of course these are poetic analogies, and when you are a teenager, you wont give a shit anyway, but I thought it would make for a nice blog.

Lessons in life from a 40 something ex-skateboarder. Here’s what you learn:

  1. Balance. A very important life skill. Much aspired to, often we don’t get it right.
  2. Risk taking. Yes, as in skateboarding, it is as in life too. If you want to experience joy, fun, adrenalin, and growth, you have to take risks. Hopefully, those risks would be managed, and you avoid doing completely stupid shit, like setting your board up on a hill that enters a busy intersection…..
  3. There will be scrapes and bruises. Yes, I think in skateboarding, and in life, this shit happens.
  4. Persistence. If you want to be good at something, you can’t do it once and expect to be awesome, everything takes time to master. Get good at something, and you are free to enjoy it more fully.
  5. Commitment. When you start at the top of a hill or ramp, there is no half-in. As you push off, you are going to do it, including risk of landing on your arse or losing skin. Same with life really, half commit to anything, and you get half arsed results.
  6. The joy of doing something for the simple pleasure of doing it. A very important lesson, because if you find a passion, you will have fun in the journey of life.