Spiritual Cleansing

Hi Bloggers, today I went for a haircut. In my younger days I used to let my hair get a bit ‘moppy’ but these days its more of a monthly trim to keep it neat.

After my haircut I walked down Broadway avenue. The air was cold and I could feel the cold seeping through into my thin jeans. I had a good winter jacket on but only a t shirt underneath and i could feel the cold coming through. I took my book with me – The Urban Monk. I stopped in at Sharkbucks café. It was busy and there was no spare seating. I crossed the road and went into Museo café.

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There were two guys in there. The barista, and some old guy sitting in the corner with his books. Once in a while he mumbled something incoherent. I ordered a medium latte and a Nanaimo slice. It was too sweet!

I had a feeling of calm and contentment. The barista was clinking away noisily. Putting cups and saucers away after a day of trading coffee and slices. Soon a couple of young guys came in and took a seat nearby me. They were talking about music scores and classical movements and acts in different keys. The barista took a mop and bucket and was mopping the floor from back to front.

I had to get going as they were closing soon. It was worth the 8.25 to sit and have a coffee and read a couple of sections from my book. I felt unrushed, with no where to go, and not really in need of anything.

Last night, T bird did some spiritual cleansing of our house, and my daughter, my son, and even me. She had a concoction of herbs that she burned in a sea shell. She used a feather to waft the smokey mixture around the house. She went around each of us a couple of times. She said it was to ward off evil spirits. I’m ok with that. The house has retained a faint odor of the herbal smoke mixture.

So bloggers, there you have it. I’m off to get a work out in. Peace. Hugs. Namaste.

 

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Buddha knows best. Look inside yourself for your calm. 

 

 

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Broadway Av, Saskatoon, 4.45pm. 
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Medium latte and a Nanaimo slice. 

 

 

 

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100 followers on WP. Sincere thanks.

Its 5.15am in the morning. I need to be getting ready for work. This weekend I reached that milestone of 100 followers.

When I look back on my blog shares, its been quite the journey. Certainly a time of much change and upheaval and as always, personal growth for me. I’ve had fun, damn it!

Thank you, sincerely. In WP I have found a space to be myself. To be me! Whatever that is, I kind of get to make that what it is as I go along. It’s like tending a garden or learning a new instrument or whatever analogy you like.

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Is this thing loaded???

Here, I can be myself. I can express, whether that’s fitness, sexuality, photography, relationships, sketching, travel experiences, etc.

I am grateful and thankful that 104 other souls have decided to join me on my journey.

So, some feedback please, anything that I should do more of? Anything I should do less of?

Have a great day, peace to all and hugs!

Musings from a Saskatoon café… a photo essay/rant/monologue of random thoughts…

I took the bike out today. Its kind of shitty weather. It’s been raining in Saskatoon. Not raining men, not raining cats and dogs, just kind of patchy showers and grey skies. The breeze is cool and fresh. Fresh enough in fact to need a long sleeve hoodie and long pants. Thankfully there was a break in the showers long enough for me to get out with the bike and the camera and get some pictures on a nice ride.

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The tree lined avenues in this city are simply beautiful. Near the river, on the south side of the city the real estate is old, and pricey. Its in the area that I call the ‘golden triangle,’ which effectively takes in the Broadway entertainment district, the university campus and the city centre. I really would have liked to have bought a house in this area, but you need a really fat bank account to find yourself in this neighbourhood – unless you bought back in the early 2000’s or whatever. SAM_2774

It’s the kind of neighbourhood you might find yourself in if you are a lawyer, or a doctor, or a well heeled academic. You might stroll down to the local café on a Saturday morning. Everything is within strolling distance, naturally.

Kids ride bikes and young moms push prams on the sidewalk. Birds chirp in the leafy green trees, that are so well spaced that they intermingle branches above the road and provide that quintessential avenue experience.

I pulled up to the café. I locked my bike and took a couple  of pictures before moving inside. Normally, the outside of the café would be buzzing with activity with chairs and tables set out on the sidewalk. Today those chairs are bunched up. Inside there is an eclectic mix of university types, the obligatory dreadlock haired hippy types, young families, and a multitude of millennial hipster types. The young lady working at the counter makes coffees and re-stocks the in store made cookies and slices in the display window.

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While I sat at the café looking out the window I felt a sense of contentment. Any immediate worries that were on my mind melted away. I was free to enjoy the moment, for what it was. I nice bike ride and a sit in a café. I ordered a cappuccino. That’s what I normally get.

 

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Erm, I forgot that letter I was going to post… 

 

 

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A book exchange box on the street. A great idea. I have some books to exchange… 

 

People rode and walked by. A lady and her daughter entered the café and sat at the chairs nearby me and chatted over a slice of pie or whatever. A young family came in and ordered some drinks. The place was quite full.

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The fern symbol in your cappuccino. A mainstay of any trendy café establishment. 

 

 

 

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If you see this guy, watch out, he’s dodgy as fek. 

 

 

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The Broadway bridge. 

 

 

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The Delta Besborough hotel and city. She was moody today. Still pretty though. 

 

 

 

Note to Self – Positive Reflections

So in dealing with the current situation we are all in (life), there are challenges, there are ups and downs, and there are people who help us and people who hinder us in our journey.

I believe, its all about attitude. There are no perfect situations. There will always be aches and pains, or a problem with money, or a relationship that is not what you had hoped for. What matters, is how we deal with the situations that are presented to us.

So I write a lot. Often times those writings are hand written call outs for the things I need to be more aware of, where I need to pay more attention, or what I need to let go of. Often these writings are accompanied by a flow chart, or a silly graph or some illustration that makes sense to me in a humorous or semi serious way. I’m guilty of chuckling to myself at my own wittiness. 

Sometimes those writings are shared with the people that are close to me. Sometimes those writings cause some upset or discomfort, because I may have been harsh, or made people closest to me aware of where I felt they had a shortcoming. I can be very direct and analytical and that can perhaps come out as a directive or shit-list of stuff that might be a bit too strong for the situation – which is often a reflection of my intense feelings about a subject.

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So recently I wrote some notes to myself. They are both affirmations of my intentions, and also blunt callouts of my failures or habits. I want to change, and I am determined to remain aware of those important intentions in my interactions with others. I read my notes each day. Perhaps some would see this as a little obsessive, but the reality is that my future is at stake, and I want to do better. So far, I’m happy to say that these notes to self feel like they are having a positive effect.

Navigating my way through the murky waters of inter-human relationships…

So I’ve been doing a lot of self reflection lately. Open, honest with self type of reflection. This is the time when you ask yourself the big picture questions. I am often asked ‘what do I really want?’ The reality is that I’m not really sure.

I know that I want peace and harmony. Reality is that my life choices have not necessarily lent themselves to a life of peace and harmony, based on how those choices have affected those around me. The reality is that I make choices, either consciously or out of habit that lead to generally bad outcomes.

Things at home, aren’t really great. We’ve done all the fighting, broken cups, tears, frustration, counselling, name calling, yelling, door slamming, avoiding, heading out of the house, kicking me out, etc. Like really, we’ve had the whole fucking enchilada.

A couple of things out of that. Firstly, I still love my wife. She can argue that this isn’t love and yady-ya. The bottom line is that its not working out because she can’t accept me for what I am and what I feel I need out of life. Thankfully, we are still talking, and living in the same house, and we went for a bike ride this afternoon and we are sort of generally ok, for now. Its actually a massive relief – we were just talking about it then (as I am writing this), she and I are making plans to both get on with moving forward (separately). I have no reservations about that. I want her to be happy. Really. Image result for swamp

So… ok that seems fair enough. So what’s the problem. Um, well, I have to live in the real world, and the real world has other people in it. Now that shouldn’t be a big deal, right? Well it gets a bit sticky when you combine my exuberant personality… and other people. Especially when they know what’s up with my private personal life, because I’ve never made much effort to hide my other activities. This has lead to what I consider some harsh judgement. Its not against the ‘rules’ as such but people judge.

Ok, so this isn’t about blame, and I have to own my actions. I would rather been seen as a straight up solid citizen, but the reality is that my lifestyle choices/personality type don’t necessarily gel with the expectations of others. Perhaps I have been too friendly or engaging and some people take that the wrong way, or whatever that means. I have discovered that once a person is known to be seeing someone outside their marriage, an automatic response would seem to be suspicion and lack of trust. I get that. I have probably been a bit naive (just too friendly, open and honest???), and engaged in conversations that I probably shouldn’t have.

So I have to take the feedback. I want to do better. I am not out to upset people and ruin my reputation (any further) at work. I have engaged a counselling service, and I have reached out for some discussion with a colleague in a leadership position who I can share openly with. Someone I can be vulnerable and truthful with. I also rely on the women in my life that I am close to for that feedback and discussion that helps me steer in what is hopefully the right direction.

 

Accepting what is…

So I’d like to think I have my shit together. I like to present a ‘front’ of composed coolness or whatever. Competency, professionalism, assertiveness. Most of the time I think I pull this off fairly well. Should be easy, right? Early forties, educated, sexy as fk (did I just write that??).

Well sometimes, actually all the time lately, it feels like my mojo has been off a bit. Where do I even start? I’m determined not to make this some kind of whiny I-blame-the-world-’cause-my-shits-not-straight kind of post. No fuck that. I am the architect of my own demise in the outcomes that I have cultivated. I don’t have any regrets, none. I’ve done some stupid shit, and some random shit, and had a lot of fun with it too.

So lets take stock real quick: marriage? In the ditch. Kids? Despise me. Work? Awesome except that my boss thinks I’m some sort of HR liability in relation to my work associations with female colleagues. What else, um, money? Broke, and going backwards, which is somewhat of an irony based on the fact that I am earning more money than I ever have in my life. My debts aren’t even bad debts, they are real estate debts, but the house we bought 8 years ago is in a one industry town and no work there so its not going to sell and the rent is about half of the mortgage. My wife just finished up her job and so now is officially unemployed. Did NOT need that.

Yet somehow, almost unbelievably, I feel happy. Even despite the challenges that I am facing, I’m happy in a don’t-give-a-fuck kind of a way. I am finding a tremendous freedom in being me, and not complying to the expectations of others. I warn you readers, this does not come without risk. Self-realisation comes with a price. Your partner might think what the fuck are you doing? You’re boss might be planning a few uncomfortable chats with you. Your parents might be tskThere are often people I'd love to be able to tell this to, but I am wise enough to know better than to try telling this to someone unwilling to listen. Check: http://www.illulife.com/ for more!: tsking.

What I found out is, even though your thoughts, actions and general direction in life might not be to all the people in your life’s liking, I have found, through discussion with others, that some people will appreciate you for who you are, and what you are doing.

I’m either going through some mid life metamorphosis, where I’m going to come out of this with a stronger resolve, a wiser mind, a more accepting heart and mind, or…. I’m completely fucking my life up.

To be honest, it could be either.

Leave, change or accept, but stop complaining: So if you asked me, whether I am worried about the future, I’d say, no. I’m not worried about the future at all. That’s because I see opportunity in challenge. Opportunity for personal growth. Opportunity for reflection. Opportunity to correct mistakes and wrongs I have made. Opportunity to make a new start. Opportunity to make amends with those who I have hurt. So if you look at it that way, the apprehension that we might hold due to the unknowns that we will face in the future suddenly becomes excitement. There are so many people in this world doing remarkable brave, scary and exciting things. I don’t see any reason to sit on my arse and complain and miss out on making my life what I want it to be. So I’m accepting. Maybe even embracing the current challenges I have. There are so many good things in life. World, you get a big hug. Peace.

Musings from a 22nd Street Café – Episode 2

Hi Bloggers,

Today, we went to get our Canadian passports. I am travelling to the states Monday, and I didn’t know this, but they have a 24 hour service. It costs an extra $100 but they can rush it through. I cant believe it, if things work out, I might be picking up my own Canadian passport on Monday at 11.30!

So I went to the café with my wife and my daughter. We talked a bit about being respectful and having a good adult dialogue. Very important things, I think. I realise I have not always been respectful, and she admits that she’s been a bit the same way. Anyway, the point was that we agreed to work on respectful dialogue, for the sake of our sanity, for the kids, and, well, because its way nicer if you are kind to eachother. Anyway, that’s not the point of my blog today.

I learned that my kids now have their own cell phones (WTF? I don’t remember having that discussion), but whatever. I texted something like ‘sup kids, you wanna hang with your dad?’ They both replied ‘no.’ Turds. Ok, I’ll just pay for your fucking cell phones and you can diss your dad. The joys of parenting.

So T Bird got herself the newIMG_2659 iPhone 7.  Another conversation that I don’t remember having but whatever, I guess I’ll just pay that bill too. I must say though, it takes awesome photos. I’m impressed.

There was a guy on the street outside the window. He had a cardboard sign saying ‘thank god for kind people’. I guess if I’m paying for three cell phone bills I’m pretty kind, right? I don’t think he’d appreciate that, though.

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So I’ve got the weekend to IMG_2665do whatever I want, and I’m travelling to Iowa on Monday. Something to look forward to, its just a quick trip. I think I’ll work on a few songs on my acoustic guitar, give the vocal chords a bit of a workout. Probably hit the gym a couple of times. Might even get a bit of yoga in.

Who’s down for that?