A (lighthearted) message from the dark side of divorce… A Heart Shaped Box.

Ok, hi Bloggers. I hope you are all well. Today, I want to talk about marriage, and divorce. When we are married, and much in love, the mere concept of being divorced, and all that it entails scares the living shit out of us…. Yoda says it right:

Image result for the dark side gif

Wait, I’m not actually divorced. I’m legally separated. Separated in space (two continents with the Pacific Ocean between us). Yet, connected. Financially, biologically with children, in name, with 23 years of in-erasable history between us. That stuff is never going to wash out. It’s in the past. It’s done.

But is it really all that bad? Well, yes, and erm, no.

Image result for the dark side gif

So where I was some months ago – if you troll my blog history you can see it all laid out in technicolor detail, was not a good place. That was when I was married. I had been married for about 18 years, and with my marriage partner since 1993. If you don’t remember 1993 its either because you weren’t born yet, or it was so long ago.

1993, hmmm. Nirvana were killing it. Paul Keating returned in a second term as Aussie Prime Minister, Bill Clinton got his sax out to celebrate taking the reins from the first George Dubya Bush, and a bunch of other way-back stuff was happening. I was a young buck of 19. There was no internet, cell phones were like bricks, and technology was pretty simple compared to where we are today.

So where am I going with this?

There’s so much judgement and puritanical shit about marriage as an institution, and to go against the grain, to challenge that institution, depending on the tolerance of  your community, family and partner can be perceived as the worst thing in the world, ever. Ever! 

From the dark side, I give you, the divorced guy’s state of the nation:

It’s really not that bad!

I’m broke, lol. But who cares, because I didn’t have any money when I was married, and at least I get to control my bank account now, lol.

I run my own schedule. It’s like being an adult, but now you have to actually plan your own shit, like bills and things. Previously, I just earned the money, and she spent it, or stressed about how we were going to pay bills.

I go where I want to go, when I want to go, and generally don’t have to check if that’s like ok, with everyone else. Awesome!

 I don’t have anyone to blame if my apartment isn’t clean, and I’m not stepping over anyone else’s crap. Pure bliss.

I have my own place. My. Own. Place. OMG what an awesome concept!

It’s quiet. Can you imagine?

But its not all beer and skittles. No, no, no!

I miss my kids. I don’t get to see them, and I talk to them maybe once a week, for a few sentences on the phone. They are on the other side of the world. They couldn’t be any further away. I don’t know when I will see them next.

The relationship with my children is extremely strained. Due to my biological disposition as a man, thus being the breadwinner etc, I went to work, while my ex stayed home. This meant that she got to be with them to get them ready for school, pick them up, and was there while I travelled for work. During this time she had their ear, and of course they were influenced by the tone of her perspective. So when she chose to leave, she took the kids.

I want to repair the damage, and I hope that the passage of time allows us all to come to terms with each other.

Lawyers. A necessary evil. A weapon of mass expense. I dare not say the hourly price my lawyer charges to quibble about who-owes-who-what. It’s scary, and stupid. It’s not that I don’t like my lawyer as a person, but I just hate the thought of burning through hundred dollar bills to establish BASIC SHIT. Spending money I don’t have. Dumbest concept ever.

Real estate: complete shambles. Losses deeper than the Mariana’s Trench.

Other than that, life is grand! Really, I am content. Happy. Doing ok! 

Just to finish off, I have identified two camps of people in the world. Those who have been through divorce, and those who have not. I have found that those who have been through it are typically more balanced in their judgements, more empathetic, and accepting. Not to say that non-divorced people are not open minded or prejudice (some are for sure!), but divorced people have a broader perspective on the hundreds of possible iterations that could lead a person to choose divorce over remaining married.

I’m not going to say that you should jump into something like this, because the implications are major – like monumental and the biggest type of decision that you might make. Having said that, if fear is holding you back, you might benefit from knowing that it’s not so bad, on the ‘dark side’ of divorce.











Musings from my local Sharkbucks Café

Hi Bloggers,

It was the weekend. I had gotten done with my morning workout, or was it yoga? I don’t remember it was a few days ago. It must have been weights because I went up to the yoga room to meditate. I was feeling very content and composed. It was a very cold day. A kind of ice-fog had settled over the city. It dulled the morning light and you could only see through it for about 100 metres or so.


During my meditation I had a thought – I wanted to write my kids a card. A sort of going away type card – even though they are going away and I am staying. I love my kids very much. Things have been strained at home, with all the domestic bullshit that their mum and I have been going through.

I told them, in the cards that I wrote out, that I love them. That I will always be their dad, and I am here to pick up the relationship when ever they are ready to do so. I also apologized for any upset or anger I caused them.

IMG_6787I did this, with a very clear and calm place. Actually it was Starbucks on a weekend so it was moderately busy, but within myself I was clear and calm. Content. At peace with myself and the world.

I took these cards home and handed them to my kids. I didn’t expect a red carpet reception. I kind of expected them to disregard me, or throw the cards away. They said they can’t read hand writing (WTF? I really need to have a word to the Canadian school system!) and so, I read it out to them.

Of course, they kind of tossed them aside. I can’t be sure, but I think, maybe, just maybe that had a positive effect on them, because later I spent the afternoon with #1 son at the trampoline park, and my daughter was being moderately-a-bit-less-nasty to me, so I’ll take that as a win!


Image result for fatherhood gif
I use the Darth Vader thing on my son ALL THE TIME! 


Thanks for reading!


Today’s Workout – back into the routine.

Hi bloggers. Since coming back from my road trip I have had the week at work to settle back into a routine. Extra early starts in the morning, and other issues sometimes take my energy that I would liIMG_6214ke to put into a workout, but I did get a few sessions in..

Last night I went to gym before taking No. 1. Son to the movies – we saw The Hitman’s Bodyguard in case you were wondering. It was a fun brainless kind of movie experience.

So the work out I did last night was this: I’m in my lower weight/higher rep cycle of 6 work outs (A-F). This one is work out E – mix up. I will say that lowering your weight and increasing your reps is a good way to give yourself a break from lifting heavy, and it totally punishes your muscles and I have found that ‘the ache’ can hang around for a few days on some muscle groups. This week my calves and my abs have felt the burn long after the final set was done…. that’s a good sign!


Incline dumbbell bench press, sets of 15, 10, 8, 6, 4.

Leg curls, sets of 15, 12, 10, 8, 6, 4.

Leg extensions, same set/rep combination.

Hyper extensions – 15, 12, 10, 8, 6, 4.

Dips, sets of 15, 10, 8, 8. (I ran out of steam here…).




My daughter’s 12 today.

HI Bloggers,

My wonderful daughter turns 12 today. Twelve years ago I was at a country town hospital – Biloela in Central Queensland. My wife had been in labour over night. She was born in the morning – around 7 am. I was the first person to hold her, except perhaps for my wife. I remember I cried tears of joy. I was so happy. I called my sister and my parents and I told them about our new baby girl. I was happy and recall trying to talk clearly to my sister but being kind of choked by happy tears – if that is even possible.

We have our moments, my daughter and I. She’s growing up to be a young woman. Sometimes I hardly recognise her. She’s beautiful, and sweet and all the things I could hope for.

Glad to share this with the world today.


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I had to take her shopping to get this hug!

With her mom.

Today, down by the river. It was nice day.


Saturday’s workout and other ramblings. SO much to be thankful for!

Sat 9 Sep 2017
Ahhh Bhudda, I hardly know your philosophies, yet at the same time I get it, like in an ignorant westerner looking for spirituality kind of way……

 Hi Bloggers,

Today was leg day. I wore my new long tights I bought on line, so that was a bit of fun. Here’s my workout: Following the general Arnie written split workout deal…. loosely following.

  • Squats: 6 sets of 15, 10, 8, 6, 4, 4.
  • Leg extensions, 5 sets of 10 reps.
  • Leg curls, 6 sets of 15, 10, 8, 8, 6.
  • Sit ups 3 sets of 25, 15, 10.
  • Calf raises, 3 sets of 10.
  • Straight leg deadlift, 3 sets of 10.

It was a good work out.

Sat 9 Sep 2017 2 (2)
Yes, I do like these new tights!

Sat 9 Sep 2017 (2)

BIG NEWS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

My daughter hugged me!

It’s her 12th birthday tomorrow. I woke her this morning to ask what she wanted for her birthday. I was kind of surprised, she didn’t even yell at me! So that’s the plan here today, I will be taking her shopping and get something that she would like. One small step for fatherhood, one giant leap for this dad!

I was also reflecting on the past few months. I had a chat with the ex – with kids being noisy in the background, but a chat all the same. Sometimes its good to talk. A few months ago I was really not doing too good. I was struggling a bit. Ok, a lot perhaps. Strangely, within myself I felt pretty good but all around me there was chaos and upset….

All self caused, and I’m ok with that too. Major changes are tough – especially on those around you. I’ve had to modify a few things in my life and I’ve had some learnings about what works and what causes upset. I don’t have any regrets. None. Its just a matter of living and learning and finding your true path.

Me Sat Sep 9 2017
If you see this guy, buy him a coffee, he probably has some stories to tell! Or, maybe let me buy you a coffee. As long as I can blog on your story! 😉

So its probably worth a quick list of the things I am thankful for:

  • I am loved.
  • I have two wonderful healthy children.
  • I have an ex who cares about me.
  • I have a job. It pays well.
  • I have a new boss, and so far the arrangement is very decent.
  • I have my health.
  • I enjoy keeping fit and working out.
  • I have family that cares for me (even if I disappoint sometimes!)
  • I have eyesight.
  • I have mental faculties that allow me to express myself, to write, to draw, to play music, to dance!
  • I have a car, that runs, and its cheap on petrol!
  • I have two wonderful dogs in my life.
  • I could probably keep going but I hear people dry retching so I will quit now!

WordPress readers and bloggers, you get a hug! Namaste.


Learning to Skateboard…. and other lessons in life.

So our daughter is learning to ride a skateboard. I bought a long-board type skateboard a few years ago on a family vacation in Kelowna, BC. To be honest, it hasn’t been ridden too much, with all the grown up bullshit like jobs, bills, raising kids, arguments, work, travel, and the kitchen sink (literally).


I was kind of impressed when the daughter asked for me to take her to the skate park earlier this week. I thought ‘this is great, a chance to connect with her on something that I am really excited about!’   My faith in the father-daughter relationship, with all the challenges of her age, and mine was restored.

I used to ride a skateboard a lot as a teenager. It was the late 1980’s and there was a skateboard boom. If you weren’t around for it, let me tell you, skateboarding, and Guns and Roses was pretty much my staple go-to’s for attitude and rebellion. Isn’t it funny how much life changes as we grow older and gain more responsibility and expectations on us increase? Skating in the mall parking lot, being chased by security guards, setting up a slide rail outside the bank, or exploring some drains was all part of my mis-spent youth.

Today, as we took the dogs for a walk and the daughter rode the skateboard, I watched her slip off the skateboard, and do an awkward splits such that her ankle was bent and some skin was scraped off her knee. We told her to get up, that’s all part of the learning-to-ride process. So, with all my apparent wisdom, it got me thinking. What life lessons does a young person get from skateboarding? Of course these are poetic analogies, and when you are a teenager, you wont give a shit anyway, but I thought it would make for a nice blog.

Lessons in life from a 40 something ex-skateboarder. Here’s what you learn:

  1. Balance. A very important life skill. Much aspired to, often we don’t get it right.
  2. Risk taking. Yes, as in skateboarding, it is as in life too. If you want to experience joy, fun, adrenalin, and growth, you have to take risks. Hopefully, those risks would be managed, and you avoid doing completely stupid shit, like setting your board up on a hill that enters a busy intersection…..
  3. There will be scrapes and bruises. Yes, I think in skateboarding, and in life, this shit happens.
  4. Persistence. If you want to be good at something, you can’t do it once and expect to be awesome, everything takes time to master. Get good at something, and you are free to enjoy it more fully.
  5. Commitment. When you start at the top of a hill or ramp, there is no half-in. As you push off, you are going to do it, including risk of landing on your arse or losing skin. Same with life really, half commit to anything, and you get half arsed results.
  6. The joy of doing something for the simple pleasure of doing it. A very important lesson, because if you find a passion, you will have fun in the journey of life.