I love this city….
I love this city….
It’s a gorgeous day in Saskatoon. I plan to get out an enjoy it today.
Following on from the separation of my marriage, and the subsequent radioactive nuclear fallout that occurs when things get, um, difficult, I had decided that I needed to move out.
Now that, in itself is a big step, and I’m really ok with it. Like I’d be more than happy to have my own place. Without getting into too much detail, the big constraint is cash flow. Yep, hate to say it but I just don’t have an extra $550 to drop on a room every month, with all the bills and shit that I’ve got to pay.
So I spent yesterday searching Kijiji (community online noticeboard) for rooms. I texted and called probably 20 different arrangements, and spent the majority of the day driving around the city to view rooms. What I found was a bit of an eye opener. What you get in the sub $500 range per month is very, very, basic. 4 walls in a basement suite. Shared bathroom. Random assortment of people from all over living there. Some places are just like boarding houses. I thought about what it would mean to leave my bike there, or a laptop computer(!) or a wallet, or anything.
Lets just say that living in our downstairs basement room is pretty sweet. I have access to my kitchen, and the food that I pay for, for the family. I can see my kids by walking up the stairs. I can come and go as I please, and asides from the radioactive nuclear fallout that I have been experiencing, this is actually a pretty good arrangement.
So I talked to the T-bird last night. We asked ourselves if we could live in harmony for a few months. In December, she will be returning to Australia with the kids. So that’s what we are working towards. So far, so good.
Grace, I copied the Google definition below.
Here’s the google definition:
simple elegance or refinement of movement.
“she moved through the water with effortless grace”
elegance, poise, gracefulness, finesse; More
suppleness, agility, nimbleness, light-footedness
Ok, what’s the point? Well, um, I had to exercise some grace today. I had my work performance review. I got some feedback. Some balanced feedback to be fair. Some good, and some very challenging to accept. But it was not new, my boss is decent and he believes in no surprises when it comes to performance reviews, so I was prepared.
The reflection I had been doing on my own interactions in the world and at work, and my meditations, and recent developments all put me a good place to accept what was discussed, and I hope I did this with grace. When you get some critical feedback, going to defensive mode or lashing out isn’t really the preferred option…..
So I also had a chat with J. She has been many things to me in the past three years (mother, lover, friend, partner in crime). I love her. Things have to change, its all tied together in a work/life/family/situation matrix. I don’t think I can be what she wants me to be at this time and it would be unfair to allow her to believe that my head and heart are in the same place that they once were.
When we are faced with a need for change, and our hearts and minds are not ready to let go, the situation can become tense and even hostile. During our chat tonight, I probably got a little defensive and frustrated. I was busy protecting my ego. She may have expressed some anger and frustration too.
But what we resolved is that we want to remain friends, who support each other. We still have a value to bring to each other, and I think that’s the essence of a good relationship. The distance, the baggage, the complications, the schedules, the emotional upsets, its all too much for the current environment (or headspace?) I’m in, or creating, to be the right fit for us both now, but fuck! we had some fun! Like, really!
Here’s where I give her credit. She handled it with grace. She referenced god as a being for her, that is both challenging her and supporting her – she is leaning on her spirituality and I think that is a beautiful thing. She’s a kind heart, a wonderful soul, a dedicated mother, and I love her for all that she is.
But my life is changing, and I don’t want to disappoint her, or anyone else really, so I need to give myself and her, some time and space.
J, if you are reading this, you’re a game changer, hon. Thank you, for everything….
So our daughter is learning to ride a skateboard. I bought a long-board type skateboard a few years ago on a family vacation in Kelowna, BC. To be honest, it hasn’t been ridden too much, with all the grown up bullshit like jobs, bills, raising kids, arguments, work, travel, and the kitchen sink (literally).
I was kind of impressed when the daughter asked for me to take her to the skate park earlier this week. I thought ‘this is great, a chance to connect with her on something that I am really excited about!’ My faith in the father-daughter relationship, with all the challenges of her age, and mine was restored.
I used to ride a skateboard a lot as a teenager. It was the late 1980’s and there was a skateboard boom. If you weren’t around for it, let me tell you, skateboarding, and Guns and Roses was pretty much my staple go-to’s for attitude and rebellion. Isn’t it funny how much life changes as we grow older and gain more responsibility and expectations on us increase? Skating in the mall parking lot, being chased by security guards, setting up a slide rail outside the bank, or exploring some drains was all part of my mis-spent youth.
Today, as we took the dogs for a walk and the daughter rode the skateboard, I watched her slip off the skateboard, and do an awkward splits such that her ankle was bent and some skin was scraped off her knee. We told her to get up, that’s all part of the learning-to-ride process. So, with all my apparent wisdom, it got me thinking. What life lessons does a young person get from skateboarding? Of course these are poetic analogies, and when you are a teenager, you wont give a shit anyway, but I thought it would make for a nice blog.
Lessons in life from a 40 something ex-skateboarder. Here’s what you learn: