Thankful, and exercising Grace … Never had so much fun!

Grace, I copied the Google definition below.

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Here’s the google definition:

grace
ɡrās/
noun

1.
simple elegance or refinement of movement.
“she moved through the water with effortless grace”
synonyms:
elegance, poise, gracefulness, finesse; More
suppleness, agility, nimbleness, light-footedness

Ok, what’s the point? Well, um, I had to exercise some grace today. I had my work performance review. I got some feedback. Some balanced feedback to be fair. Some good, and some very challenging to accept. But it was not new, my boss is decent and he believes in no surprises when it comes to performance reviews, so I was prepared.

The reflection I had been doing on my own interactions in the world and at work, and my meditations, and recent developments all put me a good place to accept what was discussed, and I hope I did this with grace. When you get some critical feedback, going to defensive mode or lashing out isn’t really the preferred option…..

So I also had a chat with J. She has been many things to me in the past three years (mother, lover, friend, partner in crime). I love her. Things have to change, its all tied together in a work/life/family/situation matrix. I don’t think I can be what she wants me to be at this time and it would be unfair to allow her to believe that my head and heart are in the same place that they once were.

When we are faced with a need for change, and our hearts and minds are not ready to let go, the situation can become tense and even hostile. During our chat tonight, I probably got a little defensive and frustrated. I was busy protecting my ego. She may have expressed some anger and frustration too.

But what we resolved is that we want to remain friends, who support each other. We still have a value to bring to each other, and I think that’s the essence of a good relationship. The distance, the baggage, the complications, the schedules, the emotional upsets, its all too much for the current environment (or headspace?) I’m in, or creating, to be the right fit for us both now, but fuck! we had some fun! Like, really!

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For my friend J, with loving-kindness. 

 

Here’s where I give her credit. She handled it with grace. She referenced god as a being for her, that is both challenging her and supporting her – she is leaning on her spirituality and I think that is a beautiful thing. She’s a kind heart, a wonderful soul, a dedicated mother, and I love her for all that she is.

But my life is changing, and I don’t want to disappoint her, or anyone else really, so I need to give myself and her, some time and space.

J, if you are reading this, you’re a game changer, hon. Thank you, for everything….

 

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8 thoughts on “Thankful, and exercising Grace … Never had so much fun!

    1. Riiiight! Ok, thanks for clarifying that.
      I’m sure she’s awesome….especially for tolerating your arse-like qualities haha!

      Ok, so for the purposes of my learning (although I am still working out the definitions of eastern vs western ‘ego’), when you say ‘protecting my ego’ do you mean the western sense of ego? And re your conversation getting tense/defensive……I’m wondering if there were elements of J projecting her ego onto you (in the eastern sense)?

      By this I mean…..my recent learnings of ego are that it is a cause for a lot of negative emotions i.e. my initial infatuation with TheMaster was definitely ego (his attention, expressing he enjoyed hanging out with me etc) but then I grew to genuinely fulfill myself more than I had been – I’m okay validating myself. I know I rock, I kick arse and am generally a pretty good person. In being able to fulfill this myself, I am able to be less attached to the need that my ego tries to perpetuate.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Mags, clearly, you are overthinking the whole thing, but I get it, ok. Um, take a breath, realise that nothing is perfect and I’ve been living a train wreck. I’ve had the best of experiences and the worst of the heart aches in recent times. I’ve caused lots of joy and lots of shit too.
        Not sure where you are coming from with the east and west ego thing, just saying whenever we get into issues of the heart and mind – which is everything, ego plays a part, for most of us, most of the time, unless you are completely enlightened and probably isolated from the general population, like a monk or whatever, and are practicing poverty and chastity, which honestly I don’t think I’m down for! Hugs.
        Wait, poverty and chastity, sounds a bit like being married…..

        Liked by 1 person

      2. No…not over thinking, just me going about my curious learning ways. I’ll come back to you on this later as I have to wrap up my lunch break.

        Like

      3. Ok….proper reply.
        I was genuinely trying to learn by asking about your comment of protecting ego, but I get that it comes across as overthinking by me. I know that nothing is perfect nor permanent – ebbs and flows of life, the best way to live it in peace is practicing presence, living in the now – without expectation, trying to see things how they are and not tainted by negative emotions which are often caused by the ego.

        Lol, I think I’ve answered my own question now. I must get around to posting on my ego and enlightenment learnings – I definitely don’t think you need to be monk-like to exist in a modern enlightened way. I do think you, my friend, are most certainly already existing with modern enlightenment – we are all on our different wonderful journeys. Hugs to you too. Namaste

        Liked by 1 person

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