Grace, I copied the Google definition below.
Here’s the google definition:
simple elegance or refinement of movement.
“she moved through the water with effortless grace”
elegance, poise, gracefulness, finesse; More
suppleness, agility, nimbleness, light-footedness
Ok, what’s the point? Well, um, I had to exercise some grace today. I had my work performance review. I got some feedback. Some balanced feedback to be fair. Some good, and some very challenging to accept. But it was not new, my boss is decent and he believes in no surprises when it comes to performance reviews, so I was prepared.
The reflection I had been doing on my own interactions in the world and at work, and my meditations, and recent developments all put me a good place to accept what was discussed, and I hope I did this with grace. When you get some critical feedback, going to defensive mode or lashing out isn’t really the preferred option…..
So I also had a chat with J. She has been many things to me in the past three years (mother, lover, friend, partner in crime). I love her. Things have to change, its all tied together in a work/life/family/situation matrix. I don’t think I can be what she wants me to be at this time and it would be unfair to allow her to believe that my head and heart are in the same place that they once were.
When we are faced with a need for change, and our hearts and minds are not ready to let go, the situation can become tense and even hostile. During our chat tonight, I probably got a little defensive and frustrated. I was busy protecting my ego. She may have expressed some anger and frustration too.
But what we resolved is that we want to remain friends, who support each other. We still have a value to bring to each other, and I think that’s the essence of a good relationship. The distance, the baggage, the complications, the schedules, the emotional upsets, its all too much for the current environment (or headspace?) I’m in, or creating, to be the right fit for us both now, but fuck! we had some fun! Like, really!
Here’s where I give her credit. She handled it with grace. She referenced god as a being for her, that is both challenging her and supporting her – she is leaning on her spirituality and I think that is a beautiful thing. She’s a kind heart, a wonderful soul, a dedicated mother, and I love her for all that she is.
But my life is changing, and I don’t want to disappoint her, or anyone else really, so I need to give myself and her, some time and space.
J, if you are reading this, you’re a game changer, hon. Thank you, for everything….